SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What worked for me and got me out of the warp I had myself in was this:

I know what I know

I figured out a few things about my H. Like his need for validation and ego boosts from other women. And "why" he cheated too.

After that it really didn’t matter if he had sex or didn’t or just had many EAs etc. My point is he was able to lie and cheat so I’m not blindly going to believe everything he says now.

I decided HE has to live with the fact he’s (was once) a liar and cheater. Nearing the last 35% or so of my life I’ve decided my happiness is most important.

I just refuse to let his crappy choices devastate me another second. I went from a doormat to a badass b/c of his affairs. Too bad I had to become like that (in a very short time) but I learned a few things along the way.

I’m sorry your wife chooses to be less than forthcoming. It may be just to protect herself from hurting you (again) or other reasons. She may not be aware of her own lies. She may lie out of fear.

Whatever the reason I hope you can accept the reality that she has issues with the truth and it’s not being done personally to hurt you.

She was in another man's bed weeks before our wedding day and continued in his bed for years after we married. I understand why many of you say that I should have considered divorce, divorced, separated, etc. It's just not an option for me.

As others have amply said, your wife knows this and therefore sees no reason to change, or "rock the boat" with truth to you. You have no choice but to accept you may well never be given the full truth, and all the pain that goes along with this.

If you’re a man of faith, I would advise crying out to God to heal you, and make Christ the object of your affections, and source of healing. I used to look to my wife as the primary source of my happiness. Not only is that completely unfair, from a Christian perspective it meant I was deep in idolatry. No more.

Praying for you….

Over the last 24 hours, I've come to realize that asking and begging for the truth only causes conflict between us and leads to more changing narratives and lies.

I have decided to focus on the one thing I can control—my own thoughts and actions. I will not allow my wife's betrayal to continue to destroy me or my life. As I see it now, she destroyed our marriage, and she has to live with the consequences of her actions. She lost the loving husband who prioritized her. Now, I'm prioritizing myself. I will do what I want to do, be with who I want to be with, and learn to be okay with being with myself.

For the first time in my life, I'm wondering if I'm being taken advantage of. I haven't had this thought until I found an inner strength to stop begging to understand the reality of her actions. There's no need for me to hear it. My wife has repeatedly demonstrated that she is either unwilling or unable to be honest.

My anger is no longer turned inward, and while I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling a strange sense of relief.

My wife just came into the room as I was typing and said, "So, you're back on the forums." It's remarkable how dealing with the truth is perceived as a threat to her. I offered to read to her what I just wrote. After I did, she got up and walked out.

I'm realizing that I'm finally allowing myself to know it's ok not to be okay after being broken by infidelity. I know that a significant part of my growth is coming from all of you. Thank you, my friends.

Bravo, LowTide!