SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you all for posting on this thread. I went and read back through all the posts from this year and found each of them helpful and encouraging.

Alright, my turn.

I haven’t posted on this site for years - it was never quite the right fit for someone in my situation (newly married, no kids). The advice was almost overwhelmingly to divorce, which would have been a respectable and easier path. I logically understood the advice then, and even more so now. But I stayed (?naive, ?insecure, ?ignorantly optimistic).

For whatever reason, here I am. 6+ years out, still married, now with two kids… you can make R work if that’s the goal you both have. Individual counselling (mainly for him), some couples counselling, a lot of hard conversations and hard moments.. we have survived it. The affair simply doesn’t factor in to our day to day. it changed us as people, of course, but the pain is gone and the life we have chosen to build is far more important.

I’m grateful to this site for leading me to a group of incredible people who have helped me for years, and still do. And although I am no longer a regular, I thought I would post this brief little update so someone in my shoes might find hope here if they need it. I know I desperately searched for success stories back in the day. So, you can work through it, or you can call it quits - I am certain you will survive it all no matter what <3

I call it the barrier. At 20 yrs of marriage I found out I wasn't married at all. Repeated infidelities, lies, alcoholism, verbal abuse finally bared its soul, and I was married to a total lie.
I had many, many choices along the way. Read my profile if you want it all, but in the end I drew a line, dead set in sand, to my husband. No booze, drugs, bitches. One time chance before I took him out with every single thing I had in me other than violence. The sand was me.

On August 18 we will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. It was so, so, so hard. All of it. In the end it came up to him standing up to the plate, to himself, to his family and past. Facing it. Because in the end the women, me, booze, the arrogance was all a lie to himself.

The hardest part was realizing that I had no part in any of it. None. I wasn't even on the playing field. He loved me in a place so totally separate from all his pain, all his past, all the booze and everything he felt as a child with every hit from his mother. In his eyes I was the safe place, but he didn't know it was him that was killing me.

I was a safe and totally separate place in his mind. It wasn't until I made him join himself in the past, present and future that he knew himself. Saw himself and stopped drinking to mask the pain. It was so fucking hard. Why did I do it?
Because he came to me one day on his knees, literally. He said to me that he would rather live with me the rest of his life as friends than lose me. Begged me, told everything to me on his knees, the truth, all of it. He didn't beg my forgiveness, he begged for time to change. He committed to so. I committed not one thing. I drew a line in the sand. No more pain.
It hasn't been easy. I won't lie to you, but I have my best friend back in my life, sober, kind, thoughtful and committed. He has faithfully committed to me and sobriety for 20 yrs.

I didn't save him because I wanted to stay his wife, I tried so hard because I wanted to save my daughter's father. No lie.

If I cannot forgive him completely, I can at least admit, I love him deeply, with all my heart, respect him now. I do know that surviving infidelity is the harder road, but my grandson comes to "Grandpa and Grandma's farm" his future is more intact because of our survived past.

I just wanted to let people hear know that I could not have made it without this website. The support I received gave me strength to draw a line in the sand that needed to be drawn to save myself as much as my marriage.

Not all marriages are worth saving. Mine was very, very close to the edge of giving myself more pain, rather than giving myself a new life. Make your own decision, but know that what ever you decide, is you taking your power back.

For me, in the end of it all, I have lived my life with my best friend, dearest lover and life partner. Our life and love was worth trying to save. It wasn't me in the end that saved it, it was him by being honest to me, to himself and to his past.

My heart reaches out to all that have felt this awful pain and betrayal. May you next venture in life be with our without your former lover/spouse, let this new chapter be about you. Heal yourself with kindness focused on you.

Tryingtwo

It's been a year and a half since I discovered she had a affair. It was a truly difficult and traumatic time for both of us. I admitted to my own infidelity and took responsibility for my actions that led her to seek love elsewhere.

Accepting that our first marriage was over was incredibly hard and felt like a monumental failure. However, we've managed to build something new and far better than what we had before. I still have my days and triggers, but my biggest regret now is that we didn't have this level of mature love and communication from the start.

7 years out.

Still with many conflicting feelings.

Celebrating 30 yrs in 6 weeks.

Resentments I still hold:

The gaslighting that it was ALL my fault. She takes responsibility but only with a qualifying "but, you know why don't you?" --alluding to my part to which it all never would have happened if I had just done....whatever she feels she was missing at the time. That also gripes me a little. Ever since her postpartum depression onset 13 yrs before the event, I got nothing but moving goal posts and rising bars. "If you just do THIS, I'll be happy". OK, that isn't asking much, I can do that...but then that is not enough anymore. It is now the bare minimum that will be tolerated, and more is demanded. Ok, I can step it up some more...only to find it isn't enough anymore, I got to jump an ever rising bar.

She goes to a therapist, the one that enabled the whole affair to begin with. I'm sure she didn't tell her to have one, but I am sure she got the old "you deserve to be happy" line of reasoning and didn't discourage it, especially after telling my wife about her own affair and how she managed it. She went to couples therapy exactly twice. When she found our female therapist wasn't going to back her up, she stopped going...then insisted I record my personal sessions to replay to her (since she was OUR therapist, not mine). After that I stopped going also.

Another resentment, loss of libido. We were hypersexual for a while, until she developed genital warts, and 2 months later so did I. Neither of us had them prior to her being boinked by her high school crush AP. After that, just nearly impossible to get motivation. Since she went through menopause, her libido has crashed as well. That was one of her bones of contention. Not enough sex from me. Even though the 3 years prior to the affair, we had more sex than the 10 years prior. "You never wanted to, you just did it to shut me up". Ok, anyone who knows physiology, men CAN'T go through the motions. Unless aroused, sex ain't happening. It was a principle her intellect could not fathom. It may have been just an excuse or justification for seeking outside partners.

Resentment 3. Enablers that pretended to be my friends. One was one of her best friends from childhood and for 25 years I counted as a treasured friend of mine also. To this day this woman has never apologized for her role or her betrayal of our friendship. She was the main "coach" for my wife. Teaching her how not to be so careless, things to do together to stay under the radar. She was experienced in the art of infidelity, a real pro. Another was recently discovered cousin that my wife had found during her geneology searches, who was trying to "help us through the reconciliation". He was all helpful and seemed to be on my side as he had been on the receiving end of infidelity also....until I declined to loan him $35,000 to get himself out of credit card debt. Then he stabbed me in the back a number of times....even trying to convince my wife that I was having affairs all along.

Resentment 4. She resents that I was always the same man that I was before we got married. I didn't change. She resents that I didn't act like we were on a perpetual honeymoon. That she "sacrificed" soooo much to stay married to me. That I didn't meet the standards that all other women get from their husbands as far as sex and attention. On at least a dozen occasions accusing me of having affairs. More gaslighting. Alot of this I chalked up to her mental illness that drugs would variably and usually unsuccessfully suppress. 3 over doses and prescription drug addiction...also basically my fault at the time. Though to be fair, she in retrospect takes full responsibility for all that.

I have other that I might share should I need to vent more.

But I am also compelled to give some kudos as well.

First, I have seen and heard her defend me when when her enablers and even her AP tried to poison her further. I actually overheard her say she wasn't just going to leave me immediately for AP because "he's been good to me and taking very good care of me." Of course that was a few minutes after she reminisced about one of their sexual encounters... statement that will forever be burned into my memory..."you had me so greasy I about slid off the seat! You fucked my brains out! It was the best I EVER had!" Good Grief. Should have heard all the whoppers she had trying to explain that one...

Second, she admitted she was a liar. not just since the time around the affair, but a gradual comfort level with lying, big ones and small ones, for years prior to that. Queen of easier to ask forgiveness than for permission. Being married to a physician, she found that because of our trained approach to making diagnosis, that we are also natural detectives. She may have been adequately shamed...or might have just got tired of being caught in a lie... that she no longer even tells white lies. She now realizes that I truly do handle the harshest truth better than I handle even the politest of lies.

Third, she now realizes that the sacrifices I made to stay married to her were far deeper and numerous than the ones she made to stay married to me.

Well, this was therapeutic. Thanks SI.com!

[This message edited by DrTarzan at 1:20 AM, Thursday, August 15th]

I met W2b on 9/14/65, 59 years and 3 days ago. We got married this week in 1967, 57 years ago. It wasn't until a year or so ago that I realized it was just 2 years from meeting to marrying. As I went through those 2 years, the time between 'no' and 'yes' to ** TMI ** seemed excruciatingly long. Now I see it was only a brief part of my life.

On 9/14, I wrote her off as a prissy co-ed looking for good grades. A few weeks later, I was in love with her. Then I found out she was passionate about what she was learning, not the grades (although her grades were top-notch). She was pretty puritanical, though, which is probably what I mean by 'prissy'.

We've grown old together. We've grown together, each in our own way. We've enjoyed each other's triumphs and mourned each other's screw-ups.

I'm still in limerence to some extent. I read Love and Limerence a month ago and realized I've been ashamed of that all along - the myth is that love is good, limerence isn't. Now I know limerence is biological and maybe genetic, and I'm no longer ashamed. I just accept that if I hadn't fallen in love, we wouldn't be together. Often, maybe every day, I go to bed and wake up thinking of the contrast between the times I wanted her in the 1965-67 period and heard 'no' with all the years of hearing 'yes'. I have no idea how love lasts, but I'm glad it did.

I haven't rug-swept the A. It's definitely part of our story, and I could have lived without the A very well. But it DID happen. My W, my partner conducted an A right in front of me, and I didn't see it. Worse, she aimed to keep it hidden because I wasn't evolved enough to accept it. She was right, at least, about that - but I think I've evolved beyond accepting my partner's cheating. But d-day for me was almost 14 years ago.

Since I'm on SI almost every day, I think about the A almost every day. I just remembered that this day in 2010 was Yom Kippur, a very solemn day. She was supposed to come clean and ask my forgiveness for any pain she caused me in the past year on the evening of the 16th. I wouldn't have thought of this if I weren't writing this post. Even so, the pain is in the past. This memory doesn't even rise to the level of an annoyance.

But the A is just a small part of our story, and the vast majority of the rest is filled with joy and/or contentment. And the A is just one of the traumas that I've experienced.

Patience, all. One's perspective changes as time moves on, especially if one processes the anger, grief, fear, and shame out of their body.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:24 PM, Tuesday, September 17th]

I promise to go back and read the 30+ pages of stories, but for today I just need to say some things about reconciliation and loss of a partner.

Twelve years ago, I found out my husband had cheated on me multiple times in our, then, 40 years of marriage. Maybe only one was a prolonged 'serious' affair that he was tempted to leave me for, but all five were serious enough that I considered leaving him. As the stories changed with trickle-truth, I became more determined to find out what really happened and make him bear witness to the pain it caused. At five years, I began climbing out of depression, and for the next nine years we gradually reconciled. He relapsed with cancer three years ago and finally died in April.

During the first years of my digging, he resisted full disclosure, but I got better and better at getting him to confess until he'd explode at the final revelation. There's some narcissism in that kind of rage and shame, and I'm not sure he ever really understood that, but he did fully accept and apologize for his actions and spent the past decade doing everything he could to make it up to me.

What I'd like to share is the view from this side of reconciliation - when there's no more time to say or do anything else. Our truce was never perfect because I could never let go a piece of guardedness and resentment. My main regret is not that I couldn't, however, because I really had no choice, but that I could not fully give myself to what could have beenpossible between us. I wish I could tell him again my recognition and gratitude for his constant effort to make up to me the pain he caused as well as my respect for his acceptance and understanding of my reaction. He spent the last few years trying to be the best husband, friend and lover he could be.

Occasionally the old bitterness does creep back in, especially perusing old photos taken during a time that he had been cheating, but the thing about seeing a marriage through to old age is that we have both been many people during this life. Whether we were better or worse as individuals at the end, we were fully one as a couple. This was our final passage together, and we gave ourselves over to our roles as each other's witness, defender and protector.

He left us in April and at the end all he could say was "I love you" to each person that took leave of him. I wish I'd told him again that he had more than made amends and didn't need to do or prove anything else. He was perfect and absolutely worthy of all my love.

merrmeade, what a beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you, SacredSoul.

I understand that this is just a small step in (hopefully) a long path to reconciliation, but my WH has been doing as well as I could expect or hope. Last weekend, he was very depressed (and depression definitely played a role in seeking outside validation through infidelity). Despite being depressed, he initiated reassurance that his feelings were nothing to do with me and that his mental state would not lead to the destructive behaviour of the past.
This was a real step forward in him being able to be empathetic whilst being in a terrible place internally. I am really proud of the empathy he has learned.
This sounds very small, but it has oddly meant a whole week of me not really thinking about his infidelity and being able to put it in its place when it has reared its head.
Fingers crossed for the next few days and their rollercoaster!

I haven’t been on here for a very long time. DDay was 2017.

I just wanted to come and say that all is good, very good in fact. I now have days where I don’t think about the infidelity. My husband really is the husband I always wanted. He has worked so very hard to be better.

He had a night out last night and he rang me to check in, his phone died while we were talking. He wasn’t ready to come home but he came home because he didn’t want me to be worried and he knew I couldn’t contact him if I needed to. When he said those words to me, I was so proud of him. I knew he got it. And the funny thing is, I was in bed ready to sleep with no anxiety about him being out and uncontactable because I trust him.

I still have moments where I wonder, moments of doubt, but they are just moments. I see what he’s doing every day and that’s my reassurance that I’ll never have to feel that pain again.

Life is really good and I’m happy. I wish the same for you all. Thanks to everyone here who supported me through those very tough days at the beginning. I hope you’re all happy, whatever your outcome

I think I'll make a short update here. It isn't quite worth it's own thread and it qualifies as a positive reconciliation story. I know I've posted in this thread a few times.

Life has been pretty good especially the last year or so. We rarely fight, but we always bring up if either of us is having an issue. The A rarely comes up and if it does, it's not typically heated, just somehow relevant to whatever it is we are discussing.

Both my wife and I have been growing in our careers. I achieved a major milestone last year for the company and this year I have a new position largely due to my previous work. I think one thing we all struggle with early on is focus at work. I was definitely no exception to the rule, though I did try to just push through it, there were also bad enough times where I just had to take a day. Those are way in the past now. My wife has also been promoted to managing a large area in her company as well. So we are both achieving and doing well.

In her role she has made a totally appropriate and open to me friendship with a male coworker. I have no anxiety about it at all. I get along with him really well, and his wife is cool too. Everything about this friendship is how a friendship ought to be. We have talked about this and my wife has said, "I really wish I had the right boundaries before". She is happy to show that she can be trusted and can manage an opposite sex relationship appropriately.

I've picked up a new hobby that is pretty costly to get into, but I'm having a blast and my wife is supportive even though she thinks it's dumb. She has even been sending me videos about it. Previously, she was not so supportive of my other dumb hobbies, even the cheaper ones.

We just had the best vacation of our lives a few months ago to a small island nation that will remain nameless. It was really great. The whole family had a blast and we really enjoyed each other's company. Since we are both doing well, we are already scheduling another vacation for next year that we are both excited about.

My wife recently went to a college reunion. I was invited but I had a work conflict, and she went on her own. Like the friend at work, I believe I had absolutely nothing to worry about. The only time I even got a little worried is when *she* brought up that I had nothing to worry about. I got inside my head a little there, but I know it was just her trying to be proactive about reassurances. Her other friends (who if you recall turn out to all be cheaters except for one at this point :/ ) had also invited their husbands, but only the most recently betrayed one came. I have no concerns about what she did on the trip and didn't feel any need to pry or get a detailed itinerary, which is something I used to worry about.

We have been doing approximately monthly dates for a while now where we trade off who organizes them. These have also been pretty nice.

Overall I am back to "happily married" which took a long time to achieve after D-Day and I wasn't sure that I was going to get past "married and happy".

What I really wanted to highlight is that once you have everything out in the open, you can, over time deal with it, and get to where it is part of your history but doesn't dominate your life and thinking anymore.

Maybe the last point I'll put on how often the A enters my mind is that how much I post here has probably gone from one of the most frequent posters, often with long posts, to a guy that shows up every once in a while to drop a few lines in a few threads that speak to me (sometimes I'll go on a little spree ). I do still want to pay it forward, and that sort of has shifted twice now. The first being how hard it is to come back and think about it when I sort of wanted to be done with it, and now again a slightly different shift where it's just not something I naturally think about every day. It's hard to state how important this board was in my process. I do think without it, I would be on a much worse path, whether I ended up in a worse R (for rugsweeping?), or D'd. So, I want to restate my thanks to everyone here for making this positive story possible.

I am new here and want to share my story. I'll keep it brief.

We'd been together 3 years (bought a house together but not yet married although it was in the plan), sharing 2 sets of kids. I discovered the A after it had been going on for around 6 months. They met up 4 times and had sex on one occasion. Messaging had been for around 9 months.

Kicked him out while I decided whether to leave him. He was massively regretful and moved back in after 3 weeks but I still didn't decide what to do for a while. Cue him realising what he had lost and vowing to fix everything, which he did everything in his power to do. After a further 18 months he proposed to me and we married 5 months later. It's been a rollercoaster. We are now 3 years post D day and 15 months married.i love him to bits and he worked hard to support me emotionally but it's still hard at times. I sometimes have constant intrusive thoughts about it all and the pain is immense. I just want to wipe my brain "men in black" style. 99% of our marriage is amazing, he's my soul mate and I know how much it hurts him that he hurt me so much.

We are in a much better place now. We both quit drinking, and prioritise each other. I (eventually) grew from the experience, we both did. We changed a lot about our lives for the better.

So why do I still obsess about it 3 years on? That's why I'm here as I just need to talk to people who have been through it.

t/j

Beeblah, you may wish to start your own thread so people can provide guidance that's more specific for your situation.

End t/j.

A member posted about the scarcity of positive recon stories. In responding to him I wrote the following, which I think is a PRS:

I just realized we're in A season now. As usual for the last 8 years or so, I haven't remembered the A season until something I read on SI brings up the memory. I no longer remember the date the A started, though I could look it up. The emotional hit doesn't even reach the level of 'annoyance'. On August 16, 2011, I was a wreck. I'm very happy the reminder generates only a shrug.

(I still have no doubt that R was the best outcome for me.)

Plainsong and I met 60 years ago this week. We got married 58 years ago this week.

We've been connected for all those years, and the connection has been very positive except for the 2-3 years after d-day - and even during those years, the connection gave us a lot of pleasure.

At our wedding ceremony, the rabbi talked of M being a combination of harmony and counterpoint. We had to be individuals in a relationship. We've always had/done that. Neither of us wanted to remake the other, except that we both knew that the other had lousy self-images and wanted to other to adopt positive views of themself. But even though we wanted to see the other change their thinking about themself, doing so was not a requirement - we accepted each other as we were.

60 years! A whole cycle in Chinese astrology! On one hand, it seems incredible to me. On the other, if a couple doesn't split, and if the partners keep waking up each day for long enough, 60 years just happens without extra effort of any kind.

The A? Part of our story, of course, but only a part.

(signed) sisoon, wearing his 'in awe of the process of life' hat

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:50 PM, Friday, September 19th]

This is a story my husband wrote for me a couple of years after reconciliation, so I think it works for this thread. I think our story might be a little different now, but it is precious to me for what it was at the time. He wrotei t after we saw Bluebeard's Castle by Bartok. Dementor 1 is a rapist from when 1 was 13 (who committed suicide a few years later) and Dementor 2 is the AP when I was mid 40s.

Setting: Pippin’s Castle

Honeymoon Suite (The newest part of the castle, in the center, filled with natural light). Where Pippin goes for Shadowfax’s love. Pippin has long sensed that unconditional love was the strongest remedy for her traumas. Nobody ever gave it to her, and she has feared that Shadowfax can’t either.

Throne Room (East of the Honeymoon Suite, filled with fog and strobe lighting). Where Pippin goes to feel admired. She wants the world to acknowledge her talent and appeal. And she wants relief from the lies ("you’re not so great") that others repeatedly told her and which repeat themselves in her thoughts. But she maintains a murky environment to avoid seeing and being seen accurately. Shadowfax is not welcome there because Pippin fears he patronizes her inflated majesty.

Weapons Room (West of the Honeymoon Suite, dark and covered with blood). Where Pippin goes to hurt people. She hurts people to feel important and to retaliate against her parents, Dementor 1, and sometimes even Shadowfax.

Labyrinth (Outside, vast and impenetrable, shrouded in mist). Where Pippin goes to hide. The labyrinth is bewildering and treacherous, filled with cul-de-sacs, dead ends, pitfalls, brambles, and thorns. Pippin built it because her deepest fear is that if people (especially Shadowfax) truly knew her they would stop loving her, like her father did.

Synopsis

Dementor 2 appeared on the scene and leered at Pippin like Dementor 1 had, sensing a willing quarry. And Pippin sensed an enormous opportunity in all three chambers of her castle.

Honeymoon Suite - Pippin could not feel the unconditional love she craved from Shadowfax. Maybe the affair could be a training ground for learning how to lure more attention from him?

Throne Room - In the foggy strobe lighting, Pippin mistook the monster’s ogling for a champion’s approbation. Her throne felt huge! And Pippin’s sense of sanity fled with an exasperated eyeroll, taking the "you’re not so great" lies with it at the one time they might have helped.

Weapons Room - Pippin felt an opportunity to finally take revenge on the Dementor class. Revenge on Dementor 1 (RIP) was no longer possible, but revenge on Dementor 2 was the next best thing. And the affair would also hit back at Elder Brother Shadowfax.

Labyrinth - As Shadowfax frantically pursued Pippin throughout the castle in his desperation to rescue her, she retreated further into the labyrinth, where Shadowfax suffered many injuries.

Finally, Pippin summoned her Patronus, and Shadowfax expelled Dementor 2 from the castle. Here’s how things stood in the aftermath.

Honeymoon Suite - Pippin got more attention from Shadowfax. But she believed unconditional love was more elusive than ever after such gross misbehavior.

Throne Room - Pippin wept alone, realizing that Dementor 2 had only scorn for her and remembering that it stole her cookies.

Weapons Room - Pippin’s attempted revenge on Dementor 2 backfired spectacularly. The Dementor class scored a second victory against her. Pippin was left with *reduced* self-worth. ("I am a bad person. And I wasn’t even appealing enough to make Dementor 2 yield to me.") Dementor 2 was left with correspondingly *increased* self-worth. ("I am so wonderful that Pippin humiliated herself and her family for my scabrous gratification. I’m as good as Shadowfax!") Even worse, Pippin succeeded in hurting Shadowfax much more than she had intended. She scrambled for a way to turn this staggering loss into any kind of victory against Dementor 2. But the victory Pippin sought (for Dementor 2 to consider Pippin more important than itself) was impossible because nobody else is ever important to a dementor.

Labyrinth - Pippin continued to hide from Shadowfax, because she was more scared than ever of losing his love.

Epilogue

Pippin is starting to understand why all of this happened. It is because she mistook the affair for an opportunity to satisfy deep needs in all three chambers. Especially in the Weapons Room where she was seething with loathing for all dementors.

She is starting to see who she really is: a brilliant, sparkling treasure. Not a filthy lump of lead like her parents and the dementors had told her. And she is learning that unconditional love from Shadowfax (which she really has!) and her children, approval from others who are close to her, and doing good in everyday life can start to heal her from the four great traumas of her childhood.

She is knocking out the wall between the Honeymoon Suite and the Weapons Room so the Honeymoon Suite can expand. All the weapons are being discarded and replaced with a jacuzzi, a steam room, a Netflix room with a big sofa for snuggling, some new sex toys, a giant lingerie closet, and wall-to-wall / overhead mirrors. Because as Pippin feels more unconditional love and affection from Shadowfax, she won’t need to hurt people to feel important. She won’t even need to hurt dementors.

She is opening a secret passageway from the Honeymoon Suite to the Throne Room, because now she craves Shadowfax’s genuine admiration. Brilliantly clear lighting has been installed. Her throne is less imposing than it used to be, because she is happy to be helpful and useful to people without elevating herself above them. Nonetheless, after the Throne Room empties out in the evening, Shadowfax sometimes kneels and pays homage to Pippin as she poses on her modest throne in immodest swimwear.

She built a simple soup kitchen in a grassy field near the road approaching the castle. It’s where Pippin goes to help people, both known and unknown, throughout the realm, without any desire for recognition. Even so, Shadowfax could not resist the urge to install a telescope in the Honeymoon Suite window facing Pippin’s grassy field. He often peers approvingly at her good deeds while daydreaming about the fine, athletic physique concealed by her loose-fitting soup garments.

Last of all, she is tearing down the labyrinth, replacing it with an enormous garden full of flowers, fountains, adopted pets, and a firepit. It’s where she and Shadowfax will stroll through the fields together, feeling idle and blessed, and gazing at the stars.

My son is so much happier now that i have made the decision to reconcile.

The pain of a D was making me feel like a bad mother. My shift of my mind into a positive place to see WS in a new light has been life changing for both of us.

I'm curious to know what helped people with this shift. There were two main things for me, but if there are more stories I'd love to hear them.

1) being intimate
2) saying affirmations to eachother