SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I discovered my husband was having an affair with my sister. I’m severely disabled; my husband is my caregiver. He blew up my entire world. The depth of the pain is beyond anything I ever could have imagined. I am so hurt and so angry. I read a bunch of threads on this site. There are so many incredible people here. Thank you for all of your sharing. It helps. Yes I’m in IC. So is he. I think he just wants his boat to not be rocked, and everything to return to "his normal." I want a divorce. Its going to be hugely complicated by my disability and our 42 years of marriage: 2 children, 5 grandchildren. As I’ve read from so many of you, the betrayals and deceptions keep coming. I feel so stupid, heartbroken and betrayed.

Welcome to SI and I'm so sorry that your WH (wayward husband) has blown up your world. Yes, the pain of infidelity is the worst. Because you mention that you've read threads, I will assume that you've seen certain pinned threads & the Healing Library pointed out.

You may want to be tested for STDs/STIs to be on the safe side. You never know what might be going on. Also, speak to your doctor if you feel you may need meds for anxiety, depression, sleep. It's important to keep hydrated and fueled, so be sure to drink lots of fluids. If you're having trouble eating, at least try to get some protein shakes down.

With time and healing, things do get better. It just takes more time than we'd like. Betrayal trauma is terrible and can do terrible things to your health.

I feel so stupid, heartbroken and betrayed

I totally understand these feelings. You can work through these in therapy. I would encourage you not to feel stupid. You were loving and trusting, and he's the one that threw the dynamite in the M (marriage).

So sorry you're here.

[This message edited by leafields at 2:22 PM, Thursday, May 1st]

OLM - Truly heartbreaking to be betrayed by two people that you love and trusted. Try to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. It helps to keep yourself busy to the point where you can focus on something else long enough to not think about it for some times every day. I know this is hard. A book, television program, knitting, whatever your hobbies are. Keep doing you. You've already managed somehow 6 weeks since dday, those days must have been so hard. You're not stupid - you didn't do anything wrong. Don't take the blame for this. They made these choices, your husband and sister My WS also tried to blame me. I told him - How can it be my fault? I wasn't even there. I figure that he would have still made those choices no matter who he was married to, no matter who his children are, no matter who his parents are, etc.

I’m so sorry for you. And to just add more to your story the affair was with your sister. 😡😪

Just know that many cheaters just want to control
The situation even after the affair has been discovered (known as DDay).

Has your H read the book by Linda McDonald called "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair" yet?

I recommend you read it so you have some idea of how to express your needs to H. Just don’t be surprised because many cheaters refuse to read the book.

Please continue to post here - you will get great advice.

leafields, icangetpastthis, The1stWife,

Thank you all for your gracious welcome, and your kind, supportive and wise words. It means a lot to me.

leafields, I have read many of your replies to others and took them to heart. I’ve read the pinned, the bulleted and the Healing Library. They are a wealth of information! I am getting tested for STDs. So many wise posters have advocated for it, and if you all hadn’t, I was too shocked to think about it.😵‍💫 So, taking care of that. 😯

You were loving and trusting, and he's the one that through the dynamite in the M (marriage).
So sorry you're here.

Thank you for these soothing words.😌

Icangetpastthis, Thank you especially for the practical advice. I did want to just curl up in a ball. 😭 I survived by reading and re-reading the threads and information I found here. Its a life line. I was so hurt, I couldn’t even articulate it until yesterday.

You're not stupid - you didn't do anything wrong. Don't take the blame for this. They made these choices, your husband and sister My WS also tried to blame me. I told him - How can it be my fault? I wasn't even there.

I really needed to hear this. Thank you!

The1stWife, you’re spot on regarding the

control

comment. My WH is one who has refused, for decades, to read anything or go to IC. He is at least in IC now. And has read a couple of articles I gave him off the internet. Short ones. His therapist is not working on the infidelity just yet… he’s working on my WH’s SA!🤯😱 my WH has been hiding it since before I ever met him. The ☄️💥🔥keep coming.

Thank you again ladies. I may be slow in getting this out. I do live on a lonely mountain and I have to go up to a place I can get enough internet to send it. 👋🏼