Your comments, sisoon are welcomed.
I’ll try to answer your questions as I understand them and as I understand my response.
"Why is d-day your day of infamy. You did not cheat."
It would appear that once again I have worded myself poorly. I do not see my wife’s affair as my fault however it was, listening to her disclosure that felt as if my world had fully imploded. That was what I might have said better, I apologies.
Thank you for your concern about my possibly "beating myself up" for there was plenty of that earlier in the process. I’m sure at some level there will be moments when I land a blow to my nose, but in the end I know that the issue of an affair is clearly all of the cheater’s fault.
Thank you for the suggestion to check out the ICR forum, I will take you up on your suggestion.
As to my wife not being my best option that is only because I’m trying desperately to figure out a few things that still sting. My wife and I have spent decades working out the issues that both lead up to the affair and the issues that were caused by my wife from the affair. She is aware of the fact I’m working on this, there is no dishonesty between us. But this is now my journey and I will share what I’m going through with her but she does not have the answers that I’m trying to ferret out. Does that help?
What am I hoping for from Siers? I wish I had a complete answer. I’ll admit I’m stuck but I cannot see why. I’m hoping that people like yourself and others will shed some much needed light. It might take some blind poking around for the issues to come to the forefront. I ask for everyone’s patience.
Unhinged,
I think if I knew what I was missing I probably wouldn’t be here. I’m not used to feeling so lost as to why my mind is processing something out of my sight. As to this unknown issue/issues, when I look inward there’s simply an endless, silent void that hurts like heck. Though my wife’s affair was the explosion that ripped open the fabric of my confidence and security it is no longer her responsibility to walk this walk with me. I’ll be honest with her about every step, however, I believe it is no longer her walk to walk. She has her own.
Thank you everyone, for all your questions and thoughts.