SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You’re doing great! His infidelity is so hard on you and the children. But you are taking the right steps. You can never understand why he has done what he has done! So many BS describe their WS as being taken over by an alien! Document his actions or lack of action. Document his lack of effort and time with the children. He must have deadlines for completing the forms you gave him. He can try and delay the process but he can’t stop it. Know his deadlines. Make sure he is making his financial support for you and the children. You deserve the best.

So, I’ve just found a device that’s linked to his phone that I didn’t realise throughout all of this. As I turn it on a message pops up. Last night he met up with another woman! Someone by the looks of it more his age! I think he may of been a serial cheater, and not long ago the mention of " will you still want me when you find out how many people I’ve been with over the years" was probably a confession!

I’m so glad my eyes have been opened! As painful as this mess is I know myself abs the children will come out better

Wow! What a blessing indeed. Also, more proof for legal measures. Please continue protecting your kids and yourself. And know you are doing so well. I'm sure it's all just a shock still, especially with new info coming out but you're taking all the right steps. I'm so sorry for your kids...

I remember my Ex bringing her AP and the AP's 2 kids into the house where Ex's parents happily celebrated Easter Sunday with them all (parents didn't know about the affair), while I was hearing them upstairs sitting utterly alone and helpless in my room and wondering how could anyone ever do that? I still wonder what happened to those kids since neither my Ex nor their AP cared about the damaged they caused for everyone around them.

Your Ex doesn't care one bit about your children and I'm sure realising that fully must add to the whole pile you are already dealing with. I hope the therapy is going well.

[This message edited by heartflower at 11:13 AM, Friday, October 3rd]

This is absolutely horrendous he came yesterday and today to see the kids I allowed him to stay at home with them so I know they are safe. Yesterday I went out and came back not long before he left.

Today I’ve done things around the house and it felt like the old days. I ended up bursting into tears and it all came flooding out in front of him. I feel like I’m back at the beginning again I’m absolutely heartbroken. I felt I was doing so well and felt like I was getting stronger.

I’m not sure what I should do. Obviously I don’t want to be with him, I think it’s more the sadness of what should have been.
I’m trying to keep reminding myself of the things he’s said to me the past few months. And the fact he’s still gone back home to the OW.

It’s just so hard, I think I’m going to have to cut contact with him all together until I’m strong enough again

You have been heard. Remember you have suffered a severe life trauma and your emotions will be all over the place. Take support wherever you can. And yes, limit contact with him as much as possible. He will just remind you of the pain he has caused.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:26 PM, Saturday, October 4th]

All I can suggest – based on how you describe your situation – is to keep the momentum on the separation and to strive to make the separation as realistic and "separated" as possible.
That will solidify his inability to enter and leave your house, that will create a way for him to have the kids in a separate place, so he no longer has to enter your home.
That device you found has not legal consequences in separation nor custody in the UK, but it should reaffirm you in your decision.

I’m sorry for you. Learning your partner/spouse was or is a serial cheater is devastating beyond words.

It undermines your life - or the life you thought you had.

I know you are putting the children first. That is what parents do when in your situation. I just think you need to avoid him (in person) for a period of time. When you know he’s coming to see the kids, perhaps you can have a friend available for the trade off be at the home instead of you.

When you feel better and have processed everything then maybe in time you can be there for the hand off or whatever you decide in the future (he visits at your home or somewhere else).

It will get better. It’s just a slow healing process.